I fear…

A few days ago I was alone in a room. It was warm and quiet. I kept looking out the window because the sun was amazing and I wrote this. Please let me know what you think, I genuinely love hearing from you.

I fear…

I fear that taking my eyes from him, if I so much as lift my gaze from he who is so perfect, I will lose him forever.

I feel an uncontrollable desire, a want, a need, a will, to protect him, even at the risk to my own existence. This person I am unable to escape from, nor would I wish too. It’s unquantifiable and unimaginable; everything I am I will invest… in him, give to him.

Without… I would be empty. How did I ever exist before this? How did I survive in so much cold surrounded by shadow believing I was living in light?

This is dangerous for me, but the power is intoxicating, cruel and beautiful, sexy and spiritual. I both want this and hate this with so much passion it burns. I am truly lost in this person and I fear this.

I walk in a wilderness, surrounded by him and him alone. He has become my food, my water, my light, my blood, my gravity.

I am no longer me.

What I have become, is now more than me.

What I have become… is love.


YOUTUBE gives me hope

I’m writing this sitting in a pub. It’s evening, and between you and me it’s all a bit sad. I have spent the last two nights watching clips of soldiers surprising their loved ones by returning home early. In other videos soldiers proposing. This then moved to general wedding proposals.  So sitting here now, I feel emotionally drained. What I got out of this was that there is a lot of love out there, we just don’t see it. Sharing in these people’s happiness and love gives me hope and make me feel amazing. Yeah hope, that love truly exists .

Couple’s popping up!


Suddenly I’m surrounded by couples. It occurred to me that many people around me are in solid relationships. My closest friend Shaun & Tony have now been together a year & four months. Shaun’s brother has been with his partner nearly three years. My friend Andy has settled with a guy and they are so happy it’s like a Disney movie and finally, my friend Steven has been with Leigh over three years.

When did all this happen? Was I asleep?